(no subject)

This started out as a comment tomerlyn4401, but then it turned into a wall of text and I decided to make it an entry of my own, rather than hijacking her post.

The discussion was about the value assigned to homemaking, and the fact that, as the work has become easier to do, less time-consuming, and less directly connected to a person or family’s survival, it has been devalued. Is the work valued less because it is less complicated than it was? Are women buying into this big marketing push to make things from scratch because they honestly want to and enjoy it, or is it an attempt to increase the value of homemaking, either in one’s own eyes or society’s, by making it harder than it has to be? (Completely paraphrased, and I may have given this a different emphasis or slant than what merlyn4401 meant.)

I agree that homemaking/keeping house is no longer viewed as necessary to survival, and that does make it less vital. No one will die if there isn’t a home cooked meal put on the table, or if the cloth for the winter clothes isn’t fulled or sewn in time.  So, in that respect, housework is less important. But so is the work that men tend to do, as well. Working in an office is not as directly and immediately linked with keeping the family from starving as going out to shoot game to eat that night. We are fortunate enough that every day is not a life or death situation, and yes, that makes everything less immediate.

And I can see where that might feed into feeling unfulfilled if one feels as though all one’s time is spent on things that don’t matter. Housework is and always has been repetitive and never-ending, but if it’s not even necessary…

(Most of traditional women’s work is reproductive in nature. It has to be done, or redone, regularly. Whether it’s cooking three times a day, mopping floors once a day, cleaning twice a week, or looking after children all the time, there is no end product. I have a pet theory that this is one of the reasons women have always done crafts and handwork. Not only was it a way to add some beauty or comfort to the home, once that piece of needlework was framed and hung on the wall, you didn’t have to touch it again. It was finished, in a way few things are.)

Now, my quibble is that “not essential for keeping us alive one more day” is not the same as unimportant. I think that, in some cases, part of the devaluing of housekeeping is to salve the feelings of people whose situation doesn’t allow for someone to take care of the home regularly. If it’s not important that the house be clean, then it’s okay that I don’t clean. If cooking real food at home is really a waste of time, then I don’t have to feel guilty about feeding my family pizza three nights a week. When it is necessary that both partners work, the fact that housekeeping “doesn’t really matter” can take some pressure off. Which is fine in that situation; if everyone is happy with the level of housekeeping that is being done, then there’s nothing wrong in deciding that whatever one chooses not to do in one’s own home isn’t important.

The problem I have is that when someone’s disdain of housework extends to the person who does it. If you don’t want to clean your family’s bathrooms, then don’t. Let them get filthy or hire someone else to do it. But don’t look down on someone else who chooses to do that chore for their family. It doesn’t mean they can’t do anything else, or that they are somehow diminished by doing it.

This attitude is one of the aspects I think plays into the new homemade movement that seems to be going on.  “Just keeping house” isn’t enough. Those basic tasks aren’t important enough for a lot of people to even bother with them, and the bare minimum is not enough to fill anyone’s life. With the bare minimum the new normal, women feel like they have to “do more” for it to count. For some it is a genuine pleasure; I know plenty of people who adore canning or baking or sewing and consider it a hobby or relaxation. But for some I think there is an element of showing off, or seeking validation. “See, I bake bread twice a week and puree my own baby food and grow all our veggies in the back yard. That makes it all right for me to be at home, because I’m not just a housewife.”

Not that anyone self-identifies as a housewife anymore, anyway. What is interesting is that, as the time necessary to keep house has decreased, the time considered necessary to raise children has increased. The stay-at-home mom has in many cases replaced the housewife. Completely different emphasis and priorities. Though  that is, I think, a different post.

See why I didn’t post this as a comment?  ;-)