colliemommie | Welcome, Baby Predator!

Yesterday we went to the doctor to get an NT screening. The idea is that by measuring the back of the baby's neck between 11 and 13 weeks, plus a blood test, the lab can give odds on this particular baby having Downs Syndrome. The Muffin was no cooperating, but we did get a full 15 minutes of watching it jump around. There was waving, kicking, spinning, hiccups, finger sucking and tongue sticking-out. It was a lot of fun, except that I now have one giant bruise where my left ovary used to be.

Dad and I had a conversation several weeks ago that basically revolved around "Are you sure it's not a puppy?" All embyoes look the same, whether they're lizard, pig, or human, and my father refused to get excited until I could tell him which species I was carrying. Well, the muffin already looks human in profile, and has the expected number of fingers and limbs. But here is the little critter face-on as of yesterday:

Now, I'm not given to wild theories, but this ultrasound, plus my pregnancy blackouts, plus watching 4 seasons of X-Files in a row has me thinking. I regularly lose time and wake up with upholestery marks on my face and no idea how I got there, which we all know is a prime indication of alien abduction. I'm thinking that I should ask them to wand me very carefully at the airport tomorrow...there may be a chip somewhere I haven't found. Probably somewhere in my chest; it's all bumpity lately and I think the whole "it's just the hormones" thing is a government cover-up.

Having come to this conclusion, I do what any sensible woman does: I called my Daddy. I told him that the baby was human. Well, humanoid. It might very well be an alien.

"Huh," he says. "Reptilian or insectoid?"

"Reptilian."

"Good. I'm open-minded but no grandkid of mine is going to have compound eyes." Pause. "So, what is it?"

"Like male or female you mean?"

"No. Like what is it."

"Can't tell yet, Dad. I'm hoping for a Predator."

"Ooh, that would be great...I could take it hunting!"

What would we do during these stressful and life-changing times without our families? I love my Dad so much.

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